Withdrawal

A. Told me that when she said she loved me it was as a friend. And then tried to soften the message. I feel so hurt and angry and rejected. And now I realize I did the same when I told someone that I loved them just to get them in bed. We had a talk after that..she told me don't be careless when using the word love.it stuck with me and I made an assumption with A. that love meant being in love. I feel gutted about that. It's triggering of past betrayals and hurts.

I feel sadness more than anger and I feel exhaustion.. I don't know what I feel about A. anymore..just feel so fucking used. 

I've given up on love with a woman...fuck that! Maybe I'm destined to be with a guy..my mom says it's the same no matter guy or woman..i don't know the most compatible I felt was with my guy friend P.we got each other and ‎he said he ended up getting a woman like me. Maybe so..I hate fucking comparisons. So there it is..another emotionally charged mindfuck. Similar to the lady from MUFG...arggghh.

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