Angry this morning

WTF..WTF..WTF

I'm angry that I felt for her needs and her demands and I abandoned my needs. I was played to be a fucking friend. And I'm fucking tired of that. My dad always said be direct, tell them what you want. I fucking played the pain all the way to a couple months and all I really had to do was walk away from a lousy hand. I'm not sure I needed that experience..and again needy women and not getting my needs met and accepting so little for myself.

I'm packing now and my mom is really irittating me with her neediness and phantom ilnesses. I don't doubt it's stressful for her but all I'm really doing now Is feeling my feelings and not ‎spending time paying attention her feelings. I'm fucking tired. Fucking done. I'm 46 and I'm not wasting any more time. It's me and little Krisen..my inner child that's been abandoned for so long and lived in terror and shame and guilt for so fucking long. I know why my anxiety and PTSD was brought on, by this fucking bitch of my mother who doesn't own up to her fucking emotional abuse of me. I know this mom is different, she's loving and kind and caring and so helpful to me. Especially when I was in dire need this past year but it's not necessary now. I can stand on my own two feet. The only way I can heal myself and this relationship with my inner child. I've been digging up the trauma and it's been revealing and horrible. I get validation from my sponsor and therapist. There were tons of happy moments and that's kept me fucking alive. I'll do that inventory also. Anyway peace out folks. I'm off to the gym

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