Oh my god pulled over by the cops

I just had such a horrid experience, I’m still shaken up by it. Pulled over by the fucking cops. I got onto Decarie on the middle lane. And saw the cop in the background. Then i turned on the middle lane and was going fast. And came to the lights and then i heard the beeps and i got scared pulled over to the right and stopped the bike and I fell down and it was scary. They told me what the hell was I doing in the middle of the road and then they said I’m a pedestrian and they said i shouldn’t be driving in the middle of the road, I’m a pedestrian. They asked for my id, and I gave them my license and they spent about 5 mins searching it and then they said they are giving me a warning and i should be careful. I told them that I will stay in the right lane and that when I come to a right turning lane, i will get off the road and Walk through the intersection. It was so fucking scary. 

2 way prayer

Dear dear dear sweet God, thank you for your help today and last night. I am so grateful to have more work , this wonderful new place , the blinds, and to have food in the fridge. Thank you god thank you. This too shall pass, the pain I feel with the stomach I don’t take it lightly god, I know it won’t go away till I see a doctor and I’m scared.it’s so very hard to get a blood test god, so very hard, 4 months without paying, what the heck happened to the Canadian health care system. I was so spoiled and took so much for granted all those years I could get treatment the same day when I was working the fancy corporate job.

God, I’m so scared I can’t cry, I can’t grieve I have so much anger, so much anger so much rage. I know behind the anger is the sadness and grief, please help me tap into the tears. Please help me with the bingeing , the sex addiction, the debating, and all the other ways I abandon myself and am self destructive. Im so very tired god, please please please help me God, I don’t feel like even trying sometimes.

 

Dearsest sweet sweet little boy. Help yourself little one, breath my love take deep breaths and let it go. Close your eyes and breath. I’m here for you, the universe that’s me. The self compassion group that’s me little one. Just be good to yourself my love, just be good to yourself little one. I love you so very much. You are worthy of love and respect. For yourself and others. Keep praying little one for the people you meet, for the people you love and for the people you have a problem with or the people that hurt you. I love you so very much.

I’ve been having good dreams, like intense dreams, yesterday I was dreaming about the new project and the estimate that I had to put forward and it was a bit scary, but I got praised by someone and that was nice, it was all related. I binged ate the peanuts and that was hard. I woke up feeling really off and lethargic , I couldn’t move. I watched a bit of James Bond no time to die and that was nice. I tried to focus on things, which I know is not necessary. And is my debting and I know this, I got on the call and was very irritable, I couldn’t share but I did announce myself and I was grateful for that. Here I am . Doing the very best I can. I’m having good sleep and I’m so happy I went out and got out and did the show. It was so immersive and I felt so good. Replied to my mom which I also really appreciated.

Not liking the weight gain but no desire to stop eating or even go to the gym, it’s all been so very hard with this depressive episode.