Day 5!!

I am so very very grateful for another beautiful day of abstinence. i had to set some boundaries today with Joe and Jamie, about doing timed shares and it worked beautfiuly. I also had a very nice chat with Alex today. That felt really good to call him back and just have a nice chat without bitching. I feel some shame today about sleeping in and also just how little time in a day i do productive stuff. i guess it’s self care because addiction and withdrawal and cravings are hard. I’m trying to be so gentle and kind to myself.

I called the accountant and he said that he couldn’t help me but it was good to get the validation that i’m on the right track, do my taxes as a dividend and just get it done it also helps that I had some T4 income from Tim hortons , whew.

I’m very sad about my mom, i hope that she is loved a lot this christmas and that rodney will somehow arrange to have her and the kids get together. I guess my mom will continue to feel like the victim and there’s nothing i can do to change that. Okay, i’m off to make my dinner now. Geoff just called and that was really nice. I guess I can be hypersensitive, but i feel like a child learning how to respond or react to others. Let’s see what happens to the place being shown today.

food program getting abstinent

Today is day 4 of abstinence. i don’t want to jinx this, i’m worried that i can’t keep my emotions in check and I know that I’m too sensitive. It’s been really fucking hard with the cravings, I really do want to be clean, i just have to take this a day at a time, i know that I’m goign to be all over the place emotionally and I just need to call people. i hated what the sponsor said about not having coffee, so many fucking rules so many fucking rules, fuck you sponsor. Im angry, i got rage, its coming out of my pores, it’s okay krees, let it the fuck out, let if the fuck out. I don’t give a fuck. so much repression so much anger. It’s been really hard to deal with these cravings, 2 more days and i’ll be aroudn the corner, i’m glad I started when I did and I’m super glad that I opted for meal support. I want to cook and create some vegetables so i’m not just having meat. The walk today was fun, i really really enjoyed tossign up the ball and my ability to catch it, i think i want to get a mitt so that I can play catch. I’m so very grateful to be living close to a park, it’s so beautfiul the space and so good for mental health. I appreciated the share with Maple. i didn’t know she has only one son, i thought she had 2. so much stimulus, my head feels like it’s exploding sometimes. God damn.