It's tough today. I really really miss A. I feel terrible withdrawal and loneliness.
I talked to Phil and it seem like I'm grieving and I need to honour that as best as I can.
I printed out pictures of me and dad and my childhood, I looked happy and it was a moment in time. I feel sad for the lost years. And I feel sad for what could have been with A. I wonder if she feels as sad. I doubt it because she protected her heart and wasn't in love with me. I fucking hate that it was unrequited love. I feel so wounded when I think of her.
I've prayed a lot for her, I've asked God to give her strenght to face whatever life brings and to give her peace. I want the same for myself. I would like to experience healthy love, I don't even know what that is or if its even possible
I've had good experiences with the tatoo and the massage parlour.. I still have some assets that some women like.
I feel it so hard to put myself out there. Ive done truly amazing thigns here in pittsburgh and I'm really so very grateful for tears last night.
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