Dearest loving God, thank you for the night of abstinence. My SLAA traits are kicking in God, I want to change but it just seems like so much. What the hell do I do in the stillness and the aloneness of the night. Lots of anger god, so much anger and resentment at people that cut me off and let me down but most all I’m angry at myself God. I am angry for all the stupid impulsive things I’ve done, especially when it comes to spending, so fucking painful god, so fucking painful, yuck!. Grateful that I found debtors anonymous, SLAA, ACA OA and FAA. 4 programs, working it God. No time to waste. I’m already feeling so fucking old at 48. Food programs come first. The positive is that I’ve been having a lot of connection with the zoom/phone meetings and the zoom meditations. Thank you God, please help me reach out to people god, ( you with skin on :) ). Please help me risk romantic rejection because the fear is so paralyzing God and the loneliness just kills me.
Dearest sweet precious love of mine, hello my boy, breathe my son. You are doing great! 2 days of abstinence. Yippee! We are so thrilled. I know it’s hard son, feeling your feelings and not giving into the food. Rest In Peace my son and fall in my loving shoulders and lap. Fall in my loving embrace, let yourself go my dear son. You are loved and protected. You are doing so great, we are on our way. Keep doing what you are doing, the gratitudes and the things done well checklists :) Reach out and talk to me when there are difficult moments , just like last night at the grocery store, you didn’t buy the chips!! YAY, so yay! All will be shown my dear son, all the best paths for you will be revealed. Trust in your intuition, it’s my direct connection to you.
Lots of love,
God.
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