a letter to God

Dear Dear sweet god, thank you for a night of abstinence. I’m so grateful after all that bingeing over the weekend. Thank you for protecting me and guiding me out of the most horrible driving conditions. I really thought I was done for after the spin on the 401 and the snow squall. So very grateful that I was saved a crash and I feel sad that so many others we not spared. I am so very happy to be back in montreal and regrouping before I see my mom again. Feel so happy that I could see her and thank you god for the break in between seeing the family in Lake placid which was a wonderful blessing and focusing on the friendships that matter. I am proud for trying to be with my mom for making the effort on Christmas Eve. God please help me with work and supporting myself and the debting and overspending God. Is there anything that you can help me with re: French , work, abstinence and tenant god. Am doing my best with debtors anonymous but it’s so hard to make and stick with a budget.

Dear Sweet Sweet child, breathe little one it’s going to be okay my love. Trust us little one, we will point you in the right direction and you will find a way my sweet. It’s all going to be okay my love. We are so very proud of you, for leaving the chocolate cookies behind when we knew that it reminded you so much of your childhood in South Africa. For throwing away that slice of cheesecake and giving yourself a chance of abstinence and for getting on the ACA and FAA calls last night and connecting with your fellows. We are so very proud of you for that. It’s going to be okay little one., we are so glad to see you willing to do whatever you can. Please don’t despair when people don’t reply to you or take you for granted little one, that is about them and not about you. Keep nurturing yourself little one and providing the love and comfort you need so you don’t depend so much on others. Others have a right to set their boundaries little one and it really isn’t so much about you as it is about their own personal space. You are doing your best little one, it will come. We promise you :) Love God.

A letter from God

 Struggling with weight gain, shame in showing it to family. Work pressures and dealing with life and addiction one day at a time. 

From God:

My dear sweet and loving child, breathe little one. I’ts all going to be okay. You do not have to do this all on your own little one, trust in the process. We are so very proud that you reached out to us. And also to a newcomer and to do the meetings and to take a call from a friend you havent talked to in a while. Keep coming to us with the challenges and anxieties little one and all will be well. We can handle it. You are loved and adored little one.  We are sorry about the physical weight gain and the anguish it is causing you. You are doing the very best you can and we love you for that. It’s all going to be okay little one. 

2 way prayer today

Hi God, I’m very grateful to be abstinent last night. I mean no bingeing and I’m glad I went for extra protein triggered by my binge behaviour which is watching shows on couch, please help me release this behaviour god. It’s so very painful to sit with feelings and going into despair and loneliness. I am so glad I connected to a couple friends who reached out to me yesterday via text. I am glad that I shared without wearing a mask about how I was feeling which was very low and I did it on zoom video so people could see I was struggling. I am so scared God, everything is so hard: work, finances , abstinence, relationships lack, mood, self esteem. I’m so scared of things getting worse. Please help me god this is such an awful time.

Dear Dear Dear sweet child, breathe little one. We are so very proud of the small changes you are taking for self care, so very proud little one :) Abstinence is truly the best form of self care little one and we are glad that you are feeling better sweet child. It’s okay that things are hard little one and we are sorry that you have to do this alone. You are not entirely alone little one, we are here and we will support you and guide you to the doors to knock on next little one. We know how tiring it is to keep fighting. Enjoy where you are, your place your gifts. Keep your spending in check with D.A. and honesty. Remember that you are so very loved little one, so very loved.

dear sweet god - 2 way prayer after car troubles

Dear god, thank you for all the blessings today, my medication , my saying I was scared to release the mouse and not going against my inner child. My sharing honestly with my program fellows, I want to call them angels because I’ve never had that trust , love and connection with anyone before. I feel so tired god of the yoyo of food addiction exercise bulimia and just trying to keep it together with life challenges one after the other. Will you please help me God.

Dear sweetheart, It’s going to be okay my child, take deep breaths and keep coming to me today. You are a vessel of my spirit. Keep turning to me and spread love and kindness to others. You are worthy of it and they are worthy also. Take care of your inner family . Listen to your body and do not despair little one, you will not be abandoned. Love God.

2 way prayer on remorse of bingeing and body abuse.

Dear god, am wired from coffee so early in the morning. Caffeine is now one my many higher powers unfortunately. So sad about my body abuse and my relatively large belly (relative to me, i know about body dismorphia too) I feel so much remorse for all the abuse of bingeing and want to make amends to my body but i know from experience it only comes off gradually with recovery. I am mostly scared of comments from other people . I feel so embarrassed and so much shame. Yo-yo sizes is awful God. Please help me with this horrible horrible disease.

Dear Dear sweet sweet boy. I’m sorry little one. What can i to help? I really do not care little one in what form you come to me just come little one. You don’t have to do life alone anymore. We know you are scared of finances little one, we know you are scared of rejection, being alone and so many other things little one. Trust me little one, trust yourself! Together we can solve any problem, no matter how hard. We love you so very much little one, so very much. We are sorry about the weight gain and body abuse. Please take care of your temple little one. We will give you strength and direction to not pick up the first bite. To make that text/call. It’s going to be okay my love. It will be okay :). Love God.

2 waay prayer angry at god after another night of binging.

Dear sweet god, fuck fuck fuck. I feel like shit again and Im so tired, I don’t want to be with myself at night it’s fucking shit and getting harder. Please help me God, please help me I am so tired of the same old shit so very tired. Can’t do anything at night except numb out to shows and bingeing. No desire to meet anyone or do anything, just numb out. I know I don’t have to spend a lot of money to get involved and go out here in montreal, I can be creative with planning. Everything seems so fucking hard god and I’m tired. Can you help at all God?

 

Dear little one, dear sweet little one, it’s okay my love, it’s going to be okay, breathe little one,breathe, there that’s better isn’t it? We are so sorry little one, we are so sorry that you’re struggling. We love how you reached out last night and was honourable with your word, you called when you said you did and you gave yourself space to not trap yourself with a specific time. We also love how you took and enjoyed the call today with your aca fellow traveller. Keep doing honourable things first honour yourself little one and then others. Do you best today little one with the zoom meditation practice at 10am, it’s a marathon not a race. It’s all going to be okay little one, we love you so very much.

2 way prayer

Dear Sweet God, just a day of abstinence and I feel so bloody good, thank you sweet sweet god, thank you so very much. I feel so good I want to sing. Had extra protein last night instead of binging, progress not perfection. must remember how I feel even doing that instead of the junk. God please help me to get out of isolation and do the absolute best I can with the energy motivation and desire I have.

Dearest sweetheart, little K , put on your colourful LED lights. There that is so much gentler and FUN. We’re so very happy that you made it abstinent last night from binging. Keep turning to me little one. Things will ease up little one, it will I promise you. Go to the long Kriya and meditation online and in person next week. I am really sorry that Its been 2 years plus since the last time. We are so sorry that it was a lot of loneliness and binging. Our heart bleeds for you for all the lost time but please do look at is as rest from all the abuse for those 18 years of corporate work and you sat still and allowed the grief to come , more tears will follow little one, please be patient.