dear sweet god - 2 way prayer after car troubles

Dear god, thank you for all the blessings today, my medication , my saying I was scared to release the mouse and not going against my inner child. My sharing honestly with my program fellows, I want to call them angels because I’ve never had that trust , love and connection with anyone before. I feel so tired god of the yoyo of food addiction exercise bulimia and just trying to keep it together with life challenges one after the other. Will you please help me God.

Dear sweetheart, It’s going to be okay my child, take deep breaths and keep coming to me today. You are a vessel of my spirit. Keep turning to me and spread love and kindness to others. You are worthy of it and they are worthy also. Take care of your inner family . Listen to your body and do not despair little one, you will not be abandoned. Love God.

2 way prayer on remorse of bingeing and body abuse.

Dear god, am wired from coffee so early in the morning. Caffeine is now one my many higher powers unfortunately. So sad about my body abuse and my relatively large belly (relative to me, i know about body dismorphia too) I feel so much remorse for all the abuse of bingeing and want to make amends to my body but i know from experience it only comes off gradually with recovery. I am mostly scared of comments from other people . I feel so embarrassed and so much shame. Yo-yo sizes is awful God. Please help me with this horrible horrible disease.

Dear Dear sweet sweet boy. I’m sorry little one. What can i to help? I really do not care little one in what form you come to me just come little one. You don’t have to do life alone anymore. We know you are scared of finances little one, we know you are scared of rejection, being alone and so many other things little one. Trust me little one, trust yourself! Together we can solve any problem, no matter how hard. We love you so very much little one, so very much. We are sorry about the weight gain and body abuse. Please take care of your temple little one. We will give you strength and direction to not pick up the first bite. To make that text/call. It’s going to be okay my love. It will be okay :). Love God.

2 waay prayer angry at god after another night of binging.

Dear sweet god, fuck fuck fuck. I feel like shit again and Im so tired, I don’t want to be with myself at night it’s fucking shit and getting harder. Please help me God, please help me I am so tired of the same old shit so very tired. Can’t do anything at night except numb out to shows and bingeing. No desire to meet anyone or do anything, just numb out. I know I don’t have to spend a lot of money to get involved and go out here in montreal, I can be creative with planning. Everything seems so fucking hard god and I’m tired. Can you help at all God?

 

Dear little one, dear sweet little one, it’s okay my love, it’s going to be okay, breathe little one,breathe, there that’s better isn’t it? We are so sorry little one, we are so sorry that you’re struggling. We love how you reached out last night and was honourable with your word, you called when you said you did and you gave yourself space to not trap yourself with a specific time. We also love how you took and enjoyed the call today with your aca fellow traveller. Keep doing honourable things first honour yourself little one and then others. Do you best today little one with the zoom meditation practice at 10am, it’s a marathon not a race. It’s all going to be okay little one, we love you so very much.

2 way prayer

Dear Sweet God, just a day of abstinence and I feel so bloody good, thank you sweet sweet god, thank you so very much. I feel so good I want to sing. Had extra protein last night instead of binging, progress not perfection. must remember how I feel even doing that instead of the junk. God please help me to get out of isolation and do the absolute best I can with the energy motivation and desire I have.

Dearest sweetheart, little K , put on your colourful LED lights. There that is so much gentler and FUN. We’re so very happy that you made it abstinent last night from binging. Keep turning to me little one. Things will ease up little one, it will I promise you. Go to the long Kriya and meditation online and in person next week. I am really sorry that Its been 2 years plus since the last time. We are so sorry that it was a lot of loneliness and binging. Our heart bleeds for you for all the lost time but please do look at is as rest from all the abuse for those 18 years of corporate work and you sat still and allowed the grief to come , more tears will follow little one, please be patient.

2 way prayer after binge

Dear god no hand writing today, straight to computer screen. What the actual fuck god, I feel terrible I can’t stop bingeing and I feel myself sliding further down. So much anxiety with the stupid elections, I can’t stand this world anymore. Everything seems so negative and backwards, and that’s only the parts we see. I’m glad to pet the dog yesterday , Primo, he’s so cute and he came and fellowed me to my door instead of going to his owner. That was funny. Help me god, help me please. I don’t know what I want god, but I don’t wan this. I don’t want the weight gain and I don’t want the lethargy. God I’m afraid of the money, I never expected her to not pay me anything and I feel like such a loser god for letting her off the hook. Please guide me god, show me the way please , I feel so lost and scared.

Dearest sweetheart , I’m glad you did your breathing. I am so sorry that you are not making the connections you needed . Please use this as the results of those who are reliable vs those who are not. You Made an outreach call yesterday and it really lifted you up. That’s what you get when you make the right connections little one. People are happy to hear from you and you’re able to get out of yourself. It’s lovely when the call is 2 way isn’t it. And you don’t end up feeling any resentment when you hang down the phone for caretaking, people pleasing, mask wearing. Keep it up little one, the connections are endless, you worked so hard to get out of your isolation. We will help you with the food little one, please don’t despair, it’s coming little one, it’s coming please trust us. About the money little one, that is coming to an end in march, it’s okay little one, you did your best , you will have more choices in the coming summer, do not despair little one, keep attending your debtors meeting and keep up the good work with the client and don’t forget to record your hours. We love you so very much and all will be OKAY .

Lots of love God.

2 way prayer today - frustrated with God.

Dear God, I’m so mad at you! I don’t believe in you and I don’t trust you. I think you can go and fuck yourself. What’s the point of believing in you if there is so much despair and destruction and I’m feeling constant guilt shame and fear.

Dear Child , It’s okay little one, I don’t need you to believe in me or trust me or like me little one. It doesn’t affect how much I love you and will care for you and protect you little one. Breathe my love, ujai 4x4x6 breathing . Let it out little one, let it out.

Yes that was really nice, I do feel much better! I love the quiet, it’s good for my mind and makes me more peaceful and easier to connect with you God.

I’m always here for you little one, I will not abandon you my sweet boy. It’s going to be okay little one. I promise you , you’ve made it this far so please keep believing and don’t give up! We love you so very much.

God.

niagara falls. binge last night feeling low and shameful

Dear God, I’m struggling. I want to go home and feel comfortable with myself God. Why is this so hard. Please help me with the next right action. Please guide me dear God. Dear Sweet sweet Krisen, I am so so very proud of you little one. Keep taking those deep breaths little one, I’m sorry you’re so very cold and you got wet. You take amazing photos little one and I’m so very very proud of you. This is all working out perfectly little one. Please do not despair , you are doing the absolute best you can and I’m so proud of you. Im so proud of you for making it to your mom’s place and telling her what a beautiful place she has. We are so very very proud of you little one, i’m sorry for the setback. Please do put it away in her car little one. It’s okay to do so. You will feel safe and happy knowing that all the junk is out of reach. You don’t have anything to worry about little one. You are fine just as you are. Their is recovery in your path. You have been so very helpful and dedicated to the path of recovery. Keep sharing your truth and hope little one and come to me. Keep coming to me my love. All will be well. I’m so happy you made it safe after the long drive and I’m so happy you are warming your mom’s place. Keep doing it little one. All is well. I promise you that all will be well sweet Krisen. Look at that gorgeous sun and view of the falls.

Dear sweet sweet Krisen. I am so very glad that you are putting yourself first little one. So very happy, keep it up my dear one. You are loved beyond belief. Just keep it up. Be safe. Be strong stay blessed.

Every interaction is so hard we get it little one. Just head back. You don’t have to worry about anything little one. Just head back. You are loved beyond belief.

It’s okay to love yourself little one, to be proud of yourself and be a good person. Please do not fear your light and joy. I’m so very proud of you little one.

Dear Krees , kreeps and little k, I want you to know that I’m committed to you and I’m not going to have any pretences. I love you all exactly as you are. I am so very sorry that you are suffering. And have been suffering. thank you guys for creativity, your playfulness, your joy, your adventure, your protection of each other while I was not present. For being smart, for having intuition about people who are not safe. Who are stuck in their own drama. Thank you for guiding me to what is the right path for us. Thank you for shedding tears, for connection to a higher power, for love and showing me how to love, for empathy and caring for those who are on hard times. Thank you for showing me the light and leading me to it always. Thank you kreeps for protecting us, for wanting to always look out for danger and trying to get us to minimize pain, we truly appreciate and value you. Krees I’m so sorry for all the repression and pain that I have caused you and the world has caused you. I promise you that I have my eyes open, most of the time and I welcome all your feelings, even rage despair and and sadness and desire and everything. I welcome them all, that’s what makes the human experience and I’m so very sad that you have been repressed all this while. It’s going to be okay, I promise you. Lil K, you are just so sweet and adorable and full of love joy and promise and I love how you are. Thank you all.