Margaret talked about developing a psychic shield
Love deficit, love seeking - how can I fill that love void?
Hard for me to trust based on rejecting and abandonment in past. Depression for a year after breaking up with Nareen. 20 years without relationship. It’s going to be okay it’s not my fault. I’m not the same person that I was then, I’ve grown and I’ve got more support.
I will make mistakes. Hard finding same people who have emotional space to give.
We are all flawed human beings.
Feel so defeated god, only comfort in numbing out, don’t even want to do life. Feel awful, stupid sugar, stupid chips, stupid addiction stupid money, hate life god, feel hopeless, why is life so fucking shitty. Fuck fuck fuck, are you here God?does any of this even matter?
My dear little one, everything is going to be okay my love. It’s all going to be okay little one, Breathe…..there isn’t thet better.
You have been through a lot little one and everything feels so very hard, we get it little one and are so sorry. We get it, the food abuse is so crushing to your spirit little one, we love you still, that will never change, we are always proud of you. It’s going to be okay little one, keep showing up and keep spreading love. There is hope little one, things will turn around. Love you very much, God.
Today is day 3 of my abstinence from non-bingeing and I’m not using sugar flour wheat.
I called swaraj and let her know I couldn’t make it and I was proud of myself for that.
I am doing some sorting out of paperwork and throwing away stuff, grateful for that.
It’s been hard, I’ve had to sleep early and I wake up super early but it has been so worth it to not binge. And I’m also trying to manage my addiciton to spending, impulse buying games etc.
I replaced my earphones cushions and it feels great. Want to get to the gym later today. But for now I’m attending another meeting and I’m looking forward to watching the totenham match.
Dear God, thank you for a night of abstinence. I feel pain in my shoulders and neck and lower back. It’s becoming chronic and I’m scared. I also think it’s aging rearing its ugly head. years of exercise abuse and now my heaviest weight ever I feel scared god. I’m not used to waking up in pain , will physio help?
My dear dear sweet boy, it’s okay little one, its okay, we are here for you and want you to keep doing what you did yesterday. You were abstinent yesterday and we are so very happy and proud of you. You want to the gym and eased into a tight stretch and you did your meditation and yoga, well done. Congrats on sticking through the OA step study and connecting with others over zoom and showing your face. It’s going to be okay little one, all those things your are scared about. Finances health, aging, loneliness, give those to me and put it in your godbox and you will see the miracles happen. Love you little one, it’s all going to be okay!
Dear God, hi bonjour, ca va? Nice to meet you Dear God. I’m so tired, so very tired God, please please please help me. I want to be willing to take step 1, feel step1 , feeling powerless over a popcorn, nut a cookie, a slice of cheesecake. So worried about finances yet I spent on ubereats last night. When is it going to stop God, I hate this life, the despair. The feelings, the feelings. Please help.
My dear sweetheart. Breathe little one. I’m so very sorry that things are so very hard. I’m proud of you for being kind and loving to your mom, even though you were scared. Wonderful my boy. She loves you with all you heart and does not mean you any malice. Working with the therapist was the right move little one. Keep listening to my voice, your intuition.
We are sorry little on that life is so hard with sloth, depression, shame, finances, debating, loneliness and feeling stuck. We know how you feel trapped where you are little one please please please hang in there. It’s always darkness before Dawn. You are growing into a beautiful adult and we love you so very much. Keep trusting us little one and take care of you scared and amazing inner child. Love you always, God.
Dear Dear sweet god, thank you for a night of abstinence. I’m so grateful after all that bingeing over the weekend. Thank you for protecting me and guiding me out of the most horrible driving conditions. I really thought I was done for after the spin on the 401 and the snow squall. So very grateful that I was saved a crash and I feel sad that so many others we not spared. I am so very happy to be back in montreal and regrouping before I see my mom again. Feel so happy that I could see her and thank you god for the break in between seeing the family in Lake placid which was a wonderful blessing and focusing on the friendships that matter. I am proud for trying to be with my mom for making the effort on Christmas Eve. God please help me with work and supporting myself and the debting and overspending God. Is there anything that you can help me with re: French , work, abstinence and tenant god. Am doing my best with debtors anonymous but it’s so hard to make and stick with a budget.
Dear Sweet Sweet child, breathe little one it’s going to be okay my love. Trust us little one, we will point you in the right direction and you will find a way my sweet. It’s all going to be okay my love. We are so very proud of you, for leaving the chocolate cookies behind when we knew that it reminded you so much of your childhood in South Africa. For throwing away that slice of cheesecake and giving yourself a chance of abstinence and for getting on the ACA and FAA calls last night and connecting with your fellows. We are so very proud of you for that. It’s going to be okay little one., we are so glad to see you willing to do whatever you can. Please don’t despair when people don’t reply to you or take you for granted little one, that is about them and not about you. Keep nurturing yourself little one and providing the love and comfort you need so you don’t depend so much on others. Others have a right to set their boundaries little one and it really isn’t so much about you as it is about their own personal space. You are doing your best little one, it will come. We promise you :) Love God.
Struggling with weight gain, shame in showing it to family. Work pressures and dealing with life and addiction one day at a time.
From God:
My dear sweet and loving child, breathe little one. I’ts all going to be okay. You do not have to do this all on your own little one, trust in the process. We are so very proud that you reached out to us. And also to a newcomer and to do the meetings and to take a call from a friend you havent talked to in a while. Keep coming to us with the challenges and anxieties little one and all will be well. We can handle it. You are loved and adored little one. We are sorry about the physical weight gain and the anguish it is causing you. You are doing the very best you can and we love you for that. It’s all going to be okay little one.
