Margaret thinks it weird that my mom has still not communicated with me. I say that who knows what she’s going through , I have compassion for her but I have to stand up on my own 2 feet. And I continue to pray for her health, happiness and lots of love in her life. I can be devoid of any angry thoughts and show love and compassion. In the beginning it hurt but now I’m making peace with it.
We went through the 3 Bains. From frontal lobe, to emotional brain with the amygdala and then to the reptilian brain. Often I react out of fear, I’m in my emotional brain and my thinking brain is turned off or significantly dimmed. Like when I got the notice from industry canada about the taxes , I panicked and felt fear and then instructed my reptilian brain to act which made a poor choice of forming a new corporation. I could have gone for a walk, though about different scenarios, contacted my accountant and then waited for Monday. It wasn’t an emergency that had to happen right on that weekend.
Sometimes my reptilian brain dominates all other parts like if it truly is a life and death scenario. Like stepping in front of a car or someone shooting at me or if I’m about to fall of a cliff etc.
Another example is when upa died and I was in my emotional brain and I tried to book a ticket and I booked the wrong date. My thinking brain was turned off.
It’s important to operate in the middle of fight flight/ or freeze and depressed mode. i’ve got to take action to move the body to get out of the couch and also to act mindfully when my brain is going a 1000 miles a second. To regulate downwards. So I guess both regulating up and regulating down is needed.
Look up what colour is my parachute, I probably don’t want to invest more in IT training. What tasks do I like. Do I want to work sometimes with people. Do I like project management. AM I compulsive or reactive. Do I want indoor or outdoor work. See what I like about the Edmonton trip and journal about it. What don’t I like. I can find a job that meets most of what I like.
Do the cleaning and grooming for myself and it will help me with a partner. Because those things are important regardless if I’m alone or not.
Fill out the paperwork for the sound therapy.
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