I think no matter what I’m going to be okay. I’m willing to do the work today. I know that I don’t have the luxury of resentments, I need to accept others and myself as I am, I need to learn and stop stepping in the shit. That’s where the change comes in right, be willing to learn a new way of being and change. Set my boundaries, respect others boundaries, feel ALL my feelings, recognize when I’m sad, hurt , angry by others, it’s never just about them is it. What’s the root feeling, why is it so exaggerated?

I may get irritated by another’s neediness. But that’s just it isn’t it, I despise that in myself. I’m not willing to waste another minute, I’m just so very wary of time now, I’m so very wary of time now that I seem to have so little of it. I’m grateful to connect with the beautiful sensitive and kind women in the program today.

Today god said I’m fine as I am, God told me that I’m a loving and beautiful person and that I’m doing the absolute best I can. God told me to ask for my needs and not settle for less than that. Gold told me I have everything I need and I learned today to turn to them first and I will gladly receive help from those with skin on. There are many of us. I am so proud of the pool I started of playing basketball today, of walking by Tommy Thompson, of taking care of the birds, and making an executive call not to cover them due to the heat. Of fixing my car for the aircon and fixing it for the tire change. And fixing the side mirror and waiting out the warning lamp so that it was a non issue. And parking so that I don’t get a ticket, and giving the budgies food on time and opening the cage and closing it for them. For all this I’m truly grateful.

I really do miss my mom and I think it’s very sad that it’s come to this. I pray for her every day and I know that she loves me as I do her and prays for me also.