Dear God, here I am , are you there. Please god, I need help with abstinence and I’d like to take it meal by meal. With life in between. I feel so overwhelmed god, thank you for the condo and the mortgage and all the good things that have happened as a result, I’m truly grateful for the opportunity. I honestly can’t believe this went through. Dear God, I’m grateful for the sleep and getting up and staying with OA and program. I’m grateful for having my friend to share with how I felt so fukcing iolagted. Fuck you Bob, fuck you Joanna, for not wanting me fuck all of youz. Thank you god for Jonathan and sharing my heart out. I don’t know why everything is so fucking hard God. I’m willing to go against myself and put abstinence first. I’m willing god. I just don’t want to fucking die of diabetes and lose a limb or heart disease god. I just don’t know what the fuck you want from me god. it’s cruel to have so much hope and grandeur dreams and to fall on my ass wit this addiction what the fuck god. I don’t know I overfeel, I try to be the good guy to all and then I fucking get stomped on my heart. I just don’t know what the fuck you want from me for fucks sake. I just feel so alone and so much like a fucking loser. It sucks ass God, It really sucks ass.
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