god, it's so hard

Dear Dear sweet sweet god. Here I am my love. Thank you for the peace around food last night. Thank you for the sharing and I’m very very grateful to let go and let you in. I’m so happy that Uma responded, thank you god for the guidance. I felt so scared, I didn’t think she would respond. It causes me so much grief god, I don’t want to destroy whatever little relationships I have. It’s not okay to cut off, I just don’t want to do that any more. Dear god, struggling with spending and wanting more more more all the time. Please help me show me what I should do. It’s so hard god, I don’t know what I’m doing half the time and I feel like I’m missing out on the life that I’ve been blessed to receive. Please help me my love. I’m grateful for the water my eyes and my limbs. I just want to keep on the path. I want to take it easier and relax and have easier days god.

Dear Dear Dear sweet boy, I know and it’s going to be alright my love. I’ve missed you my love, it’s been a while. What to say my boy, we love you and were here for you. It’s okay to do good in the world my boy, soon there will be more good and less people stuck in disfunction and fear, it’s okay little one, just breath and know that you are so very loved my little one. It’s okay.

I feel so much unworthiness, fear, unlovable turning to porn, feeling so shit from doing the same actions over and over again, I don’t know if I’m getting better god, I just know it hurts so much and I’m so afraid of being in that pain. Please god show me the best way, show me love, show me spirit, show me something.

We weep boy, we see what goes on and we weep, keep reading keep writing, keep listening, keep seeing, keep feeling, keep playing, keep laughing, keep smiling, it’s all going to be okay my love, it’s all going to get better, we promise you, we love you little one, we love you so very much.