Letting it Go..My Share at the ACA meeting this morning.

I just did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen and very grateful I had a good breakfast. Yesterday was spent recovering. Just working off the sugar binge and I was grateful to be able to meet the commitments for the morning and basically just passed out due to the sugar fog hangover. I can still feel the withdrawal from relationship with my mom and the False self I guess. I read again the hitting bottom chapter 4 of ACA BRB. And how it talks about secondary addictions. I guess its like the dustbin lids or the wackamole with regards to addiction. i really don’t know how ACA BRB expects us to put the food down first because the trauma and false self is what leads to step 1 unmanageability for me. I appreciate having both the hard copy book and the audio book. I feel that what lift me out of low mood sometimes. Its a few days 3 before the condo becomes vacant. I’m just going to do the actions and promote it and work with agent. And keep lowering price. I just have a feeling that things will take care of itself with regards to the condo. There’s always the option that I can put it up on the market. I feel scared today, I dont was to feel those pains of grief of anxiety. I just get this pit in my stomach, like when the plane deceds suddenly or going down on a rollercoaste, when that happens all I want to do is numb out and I go to the junk food. Because I know the food soothes and calms me down and satiates me. I also get very bored with the food especially dinner and cannot deal with the food is just for nutrition not for pleasure. Argh. I was honest with my cousin today, he asked me to be complicit in his cheating. I told him I dont feel comfortable with that because I have a relationship with his wife. She said okay and sounded dissapointed. Setting a boundary with other people may make them hurt or angry and I risk being abandoned or in other words the relationship ending but I know that Its not my responsibility to take care or manage other peoples feelings. I can try it and believe that statement for the moment. Theres been some higher power coincidences happening like a power outage that forced the IT bully to change the infrastructure . He called it we were lucky but I just took it as a sign to not worry about things, higher power is revealing its self. But I just wanted to say Fuck you Denis the menace. It taught me a good lesson on how many chances to give people. But people reveal themselves early and I can learn how to discern. I dont have to forgive them, I just forgive myself and ask HP to steer clear from these sick people. I dont even need to pray for them. Thats their higher powers responsibility and its arrogant.