Hi had a bout of depression today. Just after lunch and I spent about 2.5 hours in bed, maybe slept for 1.5 hours.
Switching to decaf really helps.
Doing the OA meeting and sharing helped too at 3pm. It’s like a reset for me and I love that meeting during the weekdays.
I got to the gym , I was really sparked because of the Stephen fry depression documentary to keep track of the day and the mood swings etc.
Played some video games between 4pm-5pm. Practiced the self compassion.
I’m going to have way more books than I’ll read, more games than I’ll ever be able to play. And I know I’ll have a hard time of letting that stuff go and it’s okay, I’m going to accept that.
Listened to some Claudia black ACA stuff and it was nice , I was in between 2 very attractive women in shorts showing their butts and I couldn’t focus. I was horny and hungry. I guess that is the consequence of getting off the meds.
The depression scares me I couldn’t take calls but watching the Stephen fry and one of the ladies who couldn’t’ take calls and be with friends made me feel good about myself. But I was jealous that she was keeping a relationship and two day a week job, it is what it is I guess.
She ended up having breast cancer and she was very close to her mom they were going to the zoo, I sometimes wonder if my mom will have to take care of me . It’s scary I’m not getting financial support from the government and grateful to get it from my sister Vash and isai and rodney and mom help a ton financially, grateful.
Okay that’s it, I want to finish that documentary tomorrow.
Swaraj wasn’t herself when she texted, distant and I called her and expressed concern, she said don’t worry about her she is fine. And I will spend some time with her on saturday.
Over and out
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