Its my second full week at work. The last 2 days have been good sales days. It's been hard when I haven't been abstinent and I often have to take break between calls. I'm really grateful for the abstinence. Last night I wanted S not to lock the door so that I could reach for food. I really have a brain that wants me to use and get my fix. Maybe my inner child who is a fucker. The other one. Not the beautiful playful sensitive one. S has been very paranoid she wants to stay home and not get out. I don't blame her..it really has the power to kill her.
I often feel self pity and I often feel trapped in the job. I hope that it gets better. I really just want to focus on being a consistent performer without killing myself. I don't know what else to say. On the personal front, the loneliness has been very very hard. It's just food and numbing out on netflix. I like the interaction at the gym that keeps me going.
My calf muscle has not been troubling me but today my calf and knees are troubling. I'm not going to toronto this weekend and I'm going to enjoy my time in montreal. Catch up on rest and sleep Friday night. Krisen out
Sent from my BlackBerry 10 smartphone.
No comments:
Post a Comment