Today is day 4 of abstinence. i don’t want to jinx this, i’m worried that i can’t keep my emotions in check and I know that I’m too sensitive. It’s been really fucking hard with the cravings, I really do want to be clean, i just have to take this a day at a time, i know that I’m goign to be all over the place emotionally and I just need to call people. i hated what the sponsor said about not having coffee, so many fucking rules so many fucking rules, fuck you sponsor. Im angry, i got rage, its coming out of my pores, it’s okay krees, let it the fuck out, let if the fuck out. I don’t give a fuck. so much repression so much anger. It’s been really hard to deal with these cravings, 2 more days and i’ll be aroudn the corner, i’m glad I started when I did and I’m super glad that I opted for meal support. I want to cook and create some vegetables so i’m not just having meat. The walk today was fun, i really really enjoyed tossign up the ball and my ability to catch it, i think i want to get a mitt so that I can play catch. I’m so very grateful to be living close to a park, it’s so beautfiul the space and so good for mental health. I appreciated the share with Maple. i didn’t know she has only one son, i thought she had 2. so much stimulus, my head feels like it’s exploding sometimes. God damn.
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