Pining in my heart

A. Thank you for the love you gave me, the tender words and oh how beautifully you write. I admire you and miss hearing the sound of your beautiful voice. I miss your jokes and the way you expressed yourself when you were angry and frustrated. I miss our "fuck the world" sessions and oh how I miss seeing your beautiful face. I only wish you could see what I see, your beauty and your tender heart. I wish all those beautiful encouraging words you told me, that u could say those words to yourself and believe it. I regret not being there for you and just hugging you and telling you that everything is okay. I wish I could have gone at your pace and somehow suppressed my needs and sexual desires. I'm sorry I couldn't do that.

Loving you now and I want you to have peace and joy in your life. It's time to end the pain and suffering.

So so so hard

A I yearn for you,  I pine for you. I want to rub my hands through your beautiful curly hair and hold my cheek tenderly next to yours like we did the first time we had lunch together. How can such a sweet loving woman come into my life and touch my heart just through one meet and a couple hugs. I would give anything to be with you, to hug you, to caress you and lie in bed with you gently kissing and cuddling you. I wish there was a way......

dear God please help me

Please help me with the day today, i know that so many people are suffering and all i want is to just let go please god, just help me let go of A. , just help me be at peace with myself, please dear God. I’m so fucking drained. I’m so drained of Gossip and people pleasing. i just want to do the best I can. do your step work Krisen, commit your burdens to me

trying new things - Improv meetup group

Yesterday I attended a meetup group for improv. It was scary and fun and I really had to motivate myself to attend. It's hard to try out new things, especially where I have to put myself out there. I texted my friend Reena to make my commitment. Highlights from the class: participating and laughing with a couple guys. Lowlights, being emasculated by a young lady during the scene where we are stranded on park with a bear. I wanted to leave after an hour into it but I stayed for practice till   5 minutes to the end. so that was good practice for me to break out of isolation.

Quote on Albion library window

Albion library is a beautiful Toronto library.  Ita got a nice design and it's a pleasant surprise given the low income rexdale area that I live in. The library is very youth focussed and there are quotes from youth on the window. Here's what's in front of me now.

Why is it that everytime 

I turn on the news 

Theres another tragedy,

Another man shot

And ripped away from his family?

Why is it that everytime

I scroll through my feed

Theres always a "pray for this country"

Because innocent people

Are suffering through brutality?

Why is it that we have accepted this as our reality?

Why is it that we suffer in silence?

Why is it that we don't break this circle of violence?

        - Ahanti

pics today

I discovered a burnt out corn field next to a runway at pearson intl that I can get some cool close ups of planes landing. It was a bit damp from all the rain we've been having but I will get a pair of galoshes and try again later this week. I'm fascinated by planes, they look so majestic, truly one of the best inventions of human species. Today's pics was more of the flowers and colours. I'm using a canon eos5d (original one) and a wide angle lens. Next time i will break out my telephoto lens but gosh that is heavy to carry around.   I'm happy to find this field, it seems abandoned and I wonder when it will be developed. 

Biking for the first time in March

Today is the first day where it will be actually decent to take my bike out. for the first time this year! After a brutal winter and it's still quite brutal in the maritimes, poor Perry's flight may be delayed back to halifax because that region is going to get pounded with up to 30. I've decided to take my mountain bike out, i'm not in the mood to take out my tri bike, got to change in all the fancy garb. Here I go, time to get bundled up. It's about 5 degrees outside, but it feels more like minus 10. I'm going to go to port credit, stop at the second cup, grab some lunch and then head back. I am really motivated to do a half iron this year. I've kept up with my  swimming after tearing my bicep from repetitive strain injury but am willing to keep at it, doing physio really helps!!!]  I had fun riding my bike during some spin classes this winter so overall I feel in good duathalon shape :)

meh mountain bike, been rusting on the balcony all winter!